It Gets Better (Not life. That doesn't get better. I'm talking about the blog.)

There was always doubt, but I stayed ahead of it. The words came, and the doubt followed. But the doubt was never strong enough to justify deletion. Well, maybe sometimes. But it was rare.

But I got slower, and the doubt got stronger. The doubt and the words were neck and neck. Sometimes the words won, sometimes the doubt. Sometimes the neck.

But now it's not even a contest. The doubt is way ahead, and the words are ess ell oh doubleyou.

The doubt is a mile in the lead, and it's laminating the track. My crayons have no purchase, they just squeak feebly as I stumble.

So now there are no words. There aren't even any gifs or embedded videos. It's not even about the words. It's about confidence.

The doubt is the undisputed champion. So undisputed that this whole thing, which you would think would be so long as to be undeletable, will never see the light of day.

And in the past, when I wrote with similar skepticism, I would end up posting it anyway. And in the back of my mind, I knew I'd post it.

But I'm not going to post this. There's no question about it.

Even though I'm essentially goading myself into posting it, I'm not going to.

I suppose certainty is a kind of comfort.

***

[Contemporary Edit: Now I am posting this. Certainty has been yanked off me like so many stolen blankets.]