Post 101. Post 101?

Poor Konnie Huq.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of the right to protest and the freedom of Tibet. But come on...

It's Konnie Huq.

Even if she was walking in stilettos over a crumpled pile of pleading Tibetan children, I'd still give her a smile and a wink and send her on her way.

***

I keep noticing annoying elements in my speech patterns. I don't know where they came from; I'm sure they didn't used to be there.

The main offenders are the constant rhetorical responses to questions. For example:

Jeffrey: Yeah, I've started snowboarding.

Me: Have you?

or

Mary: Actually, my brother lived in Trinidad for a year.

Me: Did he?

What an idiot. "Have you?", "Did he?". Of course he has. Of course he did. They just said that. They just confirmed it. But I have this involuntary need to clarify the situation. I think it must be a subconscious desire to please: I'm trying to sound so interested in what they're saying that I act as though I'm astounded. "What? Surely not! I... I... I can't believe... *deep breath, deep breath*... s-s-snowboarding?"

What an idiot. I wish I could meet someone brutally sarcastic to put me in my place.

Someone: I lived in Finland for six months.

Me: Did you?

Someone: NO. I DIDN'T. I JUST SAID THAT FOR A FUCKING LAUGH.

Then they could walk away. And although I'd have been chided, I'd at least feel like I had paid for my conversational crimes.

I noticed a similar thing whilst watching a repeat of an old Room 101 with Ricky Gervais. He'd make a point, Merton would agree with him, and Gervais (as an expression of his agreement, I suppose) would say "D'you know what I mean?"

Again rhetorical, it is really a strange verbal reflex. Of course what he's really saying is "you do know what I mean". I think it's a result of being pleased that someone shares your view. It's a sign of relief.

But if Sarcastic Someone had hosted the show, things would have been different.

Gervais: The worst thing about kids is that their parents don't notice what they're doing?

Someone: Yeah. It's like they've grown accustomed to it, so they can't register how annoying they are.

Gervais: D'you know what I mean?

Someone: NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I ONLY JUST FUCKING AGREED WITH YOU. I ONLY JUST CONFIRMED WHAT YOU SAID. SO, NO. OBVIOUSLY I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, YOU UTTER TWAT.

Who knows how Gervais's career might have turned out after that? Golden Globes? I don't think so. He'd be hosting some shitty panel show on Channel Five.

"Would he?"

D'you know what I mean?